by John Carroll
(First of a two-part series)

One of the more telling expressions we use in American English is the phrase "paying attention." According to Webster's II New Riverside Dictionary, this use of the word pay means "to bestow or give."

The expression is laser accurate in our fast-paced society. There are more entities vying for our attention than ever before. These requests and demands come from spouses, children, parents, peers and team members. They attack from electronics, printed material, video, audio, vehicles, airplanes and more. Distractions abound, prompting many people to self-diagnose some sort of attention deficit disorder.

From the standpoint of interpersonal relationships, attention equals value in the eyes of the person receiving the attention. We know that children can be very demanding of our attention. It's that very attention, especially when received without demand and held for extended periods of time, that tells a child, "You're valuable and I care about you." Even when a child is being disciplined or corrected, that attentions sends a similar message.

How do we, in a rapid fire, "Hey, check this out!" environment, manage to focus on the things that matter most and breeze by those in low or no priority status? Here are some tips on doing just that:

1. Decide what is most important to you - What are the five things you value most in life? Once you've answered this question, put them in priority order. If you could keep just one and you had to drop all the others, which would you keep? If you could now keep a second one, which would it be, and so on.
Now check yourself on this one and give yourself a grade from 1-10, 10 being terrific and 1 being poor. How well do you pay attention to what you've listed? How frequently do you direct your attention to the higher items on the list? How good are you at shutting out items not appearing on your list so that you can focus on one of your top values in life? Do you give time and attention each day to the five most important elements in your life?

2. Be clear about your goals - Fully 95 percent of people in our society haven't written a single goal for their lives, nor have they created a plan to accomplish one. When we have no goals or are unclear about where we want to go with our lives, moments throughout our days become wide open opportunities for us to become distracted and even mired in the minutiae of life.
Again, grade yourself on these questions: Do you have written goals for your life in key areas, including personal and family, career and business and personal growth and development? Do you have a written plan with a timeline to reach one or more of these goals? Do you revisit and rewrite your goals on a regular basis?

3. Spend quiet time alone daily - In the velocity with which we live our lives, many conclude that time to sit and reflect quietly has gone the way of the buggy whip. They defend this conclusion by citing the many demands placed on their lives and spend precious energy lamenting the scarcity of moments for themselves.
This, by the way, is the most opportune time for us to pay attention to ourselves. There's a wonderful by-product of this process. When we pay attention to others, by listening for example, we enhance their self-esteem. Likewise, by taking the time and space to pay attention to ourselves, we carry a higher sense of our own self-esteem, which in turn makes us more attractive of the attention of others. Our minds are quieter and less jumbled. We find less need to jump into the discussion by interrupting someone in mid-sentence.
The questions: Do you take time, even just a few quiet moments in the morning to reflect, meditate, pray, breathe, write in a journal or stretch? Do you take time at the end of the day to count your blessings and detach before retiring? Do you do these without external stimuli present?

4. Drop everything - Our physiology is one telltale sign of where our attention is directed at a given moment. If you're facing one direction and the person or thing to which you're giving some attention is to your side or behind you, it's likely that your attention is divided at best.
The questions: How well do you drop everything when someone is speaking to you face to face? How well do you turn away from the computer monitor when you're speaking on the telephone? How often do you face a person directly and use eye contact to get the full message, verbal and non-verbal?

5. Reduce and eliminate self-imposed distractions - In addition to the many quests for our attention that come from sources outside our direct control, we sabotage by setting up our own obstacles. These items and choices simply add to the number of distractions that pull us away from focus on important people or tasks in our lives.
The questions: What percentage (rounded to the nearest 10 percent) of the rooms in your home is free from any sort of electronic media source, such as radio, television and personal computer? How clear is your workspace from stacks and clutter? How often do you put newspapers and other publications away immediately following your reading time?

Here are some additional tips on increasing your ability and willingness to pay attention to what counts most in your life:

• Create a media-free space in your home and go there regularly to bask in the quiet.
• Write morning pages, as recommended by Julia Cameron in her book The Artist's Way. This is simply the practice of filling three handwritten notebook sheets of paper on whatever comes to you. It's much less guided than a journal and has the effect of taking out the mental, emotional and even spiritual trash, freeing the writer to experience a somewhat less crowded remainder of the day. The real value in this practice comes from the habit of doing it most mornings, as the effect is cumulative and often opens creative avenues and levels heretofore unknown to many of us.
• Clear the desk and work area to give yourself a sense of openness for clear, sharp and focused thinking. One executive of a major retail chain is fanatical about this, saying that the space in his office represents the amount of room available for the introduction of new ideas which he can apply personally and professionally.
• Find a breathing exercise you like, learn it, and do it once a day. When you can pay attention to your own breathing, you can pay attention to virtually anything else you want.

(Next: the even higher cost of not paying attention)

John Carroll is President/CEO of Unlimited Performance, a Mt. Pleasant, SC, firm focused on organizational and individual performance improvement. Brian Tracy International, a worldwide network of consultants, has recognized him for facilitation excellence. Contact him at 1-800-672-4277 toll-free, email at jcarroll@uperform.com, and fax at (843) 881-6746.

© 2000 John Carroll. All rights reserved.